Unpopular Reasons I Chose To Have Kids Before 30
Of my husband and my friend group, we are officially the odd ones out for all the reasons I chose to have kids before I turned thirty. I know there are plenty of reasons why people wait—and many of them make total sense.
Maybe you didn’t meet your prince charming until later in life. Maybe you are struggling to have kids physically, or aren’t sure how to navigate it financially—because having kids really is expensive. Maybe you are building a strong foundation for your relationship with your husband. If this is why you haven’t chosen to have kids yet, my heart goes out to you. This conversation is in no way meant to come across as judgmental or hateful towards individuals who make the decision to wait.
But for those of us who had the opportunity to have our first child before thirty and chose to do so, I think it’s time we speak up. We don’t get enough love from society these days, which seems to assume that doing what is traditional is always a bad thing. It isn’t–I’m a big believer in blending modern life with timeless values.
The “Live First, Kids Later” Mindset
The number one reason I hear from friends for delaying kids is that they want to “live a little first.”
I get it. That’s how our culture frames things now: kids are seen as something to check off the bucket list, but only after you’ve traveled, worked, partied, or just “enjoyed life” in peace.
Here’s my honest take: kids are inconvenient—and that’s exactly what makes them worth it.
Pregnancy was inconvenient. It made me nauseous in front of colleagues and had me crying over an egg sandwich the cafeteria had stopped serving because it was lunch time. (Yes, I cried. And no, they didn’t make me one.)
Motherhood is inconvenient. My daughter has had poopy blowouts all over me on the nights I actually felt cute again postpartum. She’s teethed while clinging to my legs like I was a scratching post. And she’s interrupted more dinners than I can count.
But here’s the thing: inconvenience grows us.
As Oprah says in The Path Made Clear, the sign it’s time to move to the next big thing in life is when you no longer have the opportunity to grow. If comfort is our only pursuit, we risk becoming stagnant.
Facing My Past Through Motherhood
One of the biggest reasons I’m grateful I became a mother before thirty is because it forced me to confront my own trauma.
Growing up with an alcoholic parent in a home full of both love and dysfunction shaped me deeply. I had already been unpacking those wounds in my marriage, but becoming a mother accelerated the healing.
When I felt frustration rising, I had to pause: was this because I was overtired, or was it a trigger from my past? How could I change my reaction so I didn’t imprint those patterns on my daughter?
By tackling those questions in my twenties, I won’t be carrying the same baggage into my late thirties or forties. This is perhaps the most difficult of all the reasons I chose to have kids to admit, but it’s completely honest. On the flip side, I do think some people should wait to have kids until they’ve resolved their trauma a bit more. Particularly if they find themselves prone to violence or aggression.
Learning to Be Less Selfish
Motherhood has also made me less selfish—something I think is worth embracing sooner rather than later.
I’ll never forget the day I was filming an Instagram reel while my daughter tugged on my leg, crying. My husband called me out—and he was right. She needed me, and I wasn’t doing anything that truly mattered. That sting of mom-guilt was exactly what I needed to reset my priorities.
The Biological Reality We Don’t Talk About
Here’s the most unpopular opinion: one of the reasons I had my first before thirty is because I wanted to. But another reason? I thought it would make me a better parent.
Not because older parents can’t give their kids love, wisdom, or stability—they absolutely can. But in my case, I wanted the energy to run around the park, sit cross-legged on the floor, and actually enjoy it.
And honestly? I didn’t want to risk missing my window. My mom had cancer in her thirties and lost her ovaries. That shaped my perspective.
According to Reproductive Medicine Associates, the odds of getting pregnant each month go from about 25% at age 25 to less than 15% by age 35. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists reports higher risks of miscarriage, stillbirth, and complications as maternal age increases.
Plenty of women have beautiful, healthy pregnancies later in life. I hope to be one of them if we’re blessed with more children. But for me, those numbers were worth weighing.
Giving My Best Years to My Child
I didn’t want to resent my child for being “too much” when all they wanted was to play. I didn’t want to be so drained that I couldn’t enjoy her. I wanted to give her my best—while I still had the best to give.
And beyond just me, there’s the reality of community. Everyone around us is aging too. We wanted our daughter to know a wide circle of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends who could keep up and pour into her. Waiting five or ten more years might have meant less of that.
Wanting to Live Most of My Life With My Kids
Another reason I chose to become a mom before thirty is simple: I want to live as much of my life as possible with my kids.
I don’t just want to raise them, I want to do life alongside them—to hike mountains together when they’re teenagers, to cook family meals when they’re in college, and to be around to meet their kids and grandkids someday. Starting younger gives me more years to experience those milestones.
It’s not about rushing through seasons, but about opening up more of them. If I can share more birthdays, more family trips, more ordinary Saturdays in the backyard, then that feels like a gift—to me and to them.
Final Confession: I Wanted Out of the Diaper Years
Lastly? If I’m being totally honest, I just wanted to get through the diaper years sooner rather than later. Motherhood is sacred—but diapers are not. I look forward to Christmas mornings where she can race out of her room to see what Santa brought, and tell me all about her days at school. The diaper years are worthy and wonderful and build the foundation you need to be the best mama later on. But, they might not be my favorite years when I look back at my life. Or, maybe they will be. I won’t know until then. Either way, I was eager to begin them while I had the energy to tackle them with (some) grace.
Closing
At the end of the day, the choice of when (or if) to have children is deeply personal. But for me, having my first before thirty has shaped me in ways I’ll forever be grateful for. It’s been inconvenient, stretching, humbling, and exhausting—exactly the things that have grown me into who I am today.
